Shit Happens & People Change.

First of all … OOPS .. I feel bad that I haven’t blogged in quite sometime but honestly I must have inspiration and motivation to write and lately that has been lacking to say the least.

So where do I start, well I guess I will start with that I had been talking to someone who hurt and deceived me. I am not sure he did it on purpose but either way it did happen and it did affect me. Things ended very abruptly and we haven’t spoken since. This is by far the hardest part of  everything that has happened because I trusted him I believed he was a friend first and foremost and the only thing I asked of him was not to hurt me. After months of thinking about it I can see how he really had little choice.  I can’t say that I don’t miss his friendship but I know that everything happens for a reason, towards the end I felt that things weren’t right and I firmly believe that we are both better off now. 

So where does all this leave me now. Well its made me much more guarded and afraid that I am being lied to. I hate feeling like that because I like to think that people can be trusted and I enjoy being open and sharing with people. I still do trust but not nearly as quick. Also all this has caused me to take a HUGE step back and rethink things. It’s given me a chance to think about who I am again, what I need, the things I want both in a relationship and for myself. I finally after months  feel ready to move on and to give myself to someone new, I know that I have a lot to offer someone and that I can be a fantastic submissive. I want nothing more than to submit fully once again to someone who wants me for me.  I know I will find the perfect person for me and that it takes time but in the end it will be more then worth it.

Something else is that I have discovered a new side of me a side of me that I am excited to explore with the right person.  More on that .. coming soon. 

For now .. Shit Happens, People Change and My Life Will Go On!

Belong to Who??

Something has changed, what has changed you ask? Well, I am not entirely sure but I think for the most part it’s me. I am a big believer that life experiences change your perception of things, I have been through a lot in the last year and I have certainly changed.

My nearly 3 year relationship ended, which was obviously hard for me. I miss what we had but things changed and I am thankful to at least have him still in my life as a good friend. I met a few people since then that I am friends with but  just didn’t click with for one reason or another. When I did finally meet someone who I absolutely adored he broke my heart and left me feeling more than a little lost.

Besides my ever-changing D/s life my personal life has also taken a huge toll. Things have changed and so has my perception of life, my life in particular. My daughter is growing up and while it seems like a long time, I know that the 6 years I have left with her as my little girl will fly by in the blink of an eye. Another big issue is my relationship with my husband. We have always had sexual differences that have  made things difficult but it seems like more and more we just aren’t getting along. It’s disheartening but at the same time I am finally realizing that it really does take two to make a relationship work and no matter how much I want to keep it together if he is unwilling to work on our relationship it just is never going to work either one or both of us will always be unhappy. Losing my job a year ago hasn’t helped things,  I decided that I wanted to do something new and I went back to school but haven’t taken the state test yet to be able to start my new career. I need to get that done to be able to move forward with my life. I love working and being around people, not being able to do those things has left me rather depressed most days. 

All these changes have made me look at my D/s wants a bit differently then I have ever before. For the majority of the last 5 years I have been owned. I have always enjoyed being owned and pleasing another but all of a sudden I have found myself not really wanting to be owned. I am sure my recent experiences have a lot to do with this, after being hurt you tend to protect yourself and not let people in so quickly. Honestly though I know that there is more to it then that, I also want to have a little fun. I want to experience things I haven’t been able to before and meet some new people. I know when the time is right, the need and desire to be owned will come back and I will find myself  once again lost in submissive bliss.

Is it strange that as a submissive I am ok with not being owned and only having play partners for now?? I think it is ok  but I also know that for some submissives it would be hard to deal with, honestly I have been there before so I understand what that need feels like. I think what has helped me this time is that I have come to terms with my independent side, I don’t need or really want someone to control my every move. I am good with making decisions on my own. This by no means changes the fact that I love feeling the control of a strong man over me. I love being able to submit with no worries, knowing that he will lead me to where I need to be. I know the time will come for that again and when it does I will embrace it but for now I am just enjoying this.

So who do I belong to … well for now I belong to Me!!

100 Things About Me!

100 things about me

1. I don’t like to talk about myself, so this will be difficult.
2. I love shoes especially heels, but don’t wear them all that often.
3. I have over 60 pairs of shoes, and still don’t believe I own enough.
4. I hate for my hands to be dirty.
5. I am afraid of bees, to the point of running and screaming.
6. Actually I don’t like any flying bugs they creep me out.
7. I love animals, more than most people.
8. I love my puppy, like he’s one of my kids, he’s very spoiled.
9. My favorite wild animal is the Polar Bear.
10. I love a man who wears cologne.
11. My favorite smell is ice.
12. I love winter and wish that I lived somewhere it snowed.
13. I hate summer, the hot weather drives me nuts.
14. I have finally realized that it is OK to be an independent submissive, even if it sounds like an oxymoron.
15. I have known I was submissive for well over 10 years and am still learning about myself.
16. I love to take pictures but never print them out.
17. I am a pain slut, pain is the easiest way to  turn me on.
18. I love school and could go back tomorrow and be happy.
19. It’s hard for me to make new friends because I am very guarded at first.
20. I learned to draw blood and love doing it.
21. I can’t dance, but like the dance game on Xbox. (only when no one is watching)
22. I was named after my grandma.
23. I was closer to my grandma then my mom, she has been gone for 12 years and I still miss her like crazy.
24. I have lived in 4 different states.
25. I have been to Canada but not Mexico.
26. My mom and I do not get along, and it breaks my heart at times.
27. I hate dresses, will wear skirts but prefer pants.
28. I really only drink water and rockstar.
29. I hate vegetables and am a very picky eater.
30. I find corsets very sexy, I own 2 but want more.
31. I am a licensed radiologic technologist but no longer want to do that.
32. I am terrified of the dentist.
33. My feelings get hurt very easily, but I forgive quickly.
34. I don’t like to upset people and try my best to work things out quickly.
35. I love to hug and cuddle.
36. I am sexually submissive, I love being a naughty dirty little girl.
37. I am a  night owl, I hate waking up early and can be grouchy in the AM.
38. Music makes me happy, I love to sing along even though I suck.
39.  I love cow, steak is yummy!
40. I like my steak medium rare.
41. I hate swimming in a pool, but love the ocean.
42. I am still friends with my childhood BFF, we have been friends since we were 11.
43. My favorite book is Dear John
44. I like to feel his hand wrapped in my hair.
45. I believe that online D/s can work.
46. I love to be spanked.
47. I recently have discovered that with the right person I would be willing to have sex in front of others.
48. I am a Texans fan and I love to watch football.
49. I have a sunglasses fetish.
50. I HATE feet but love to paint my toenails.
51. I am scared of ladders but don’t mind heights.
52. I have a panty fetish, I love thongs and boy shorts.
53. I love sweatshirts, I own about 15 right now.
54. I hate butt plugs.
55. I like to feel used and naughty.
56.  My favorite color is red.
57. As a child I hated the color pink, now I think its ok.
58. I have never smoked a cigarette or done any illegal drugs.
59. I haven’t been drunk since I was 21, I am 28 now.
60. I am a Sagittarius.
63. I love romantic comedies, my favorite movie is Sweet Home Alabama.
64. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my iPhone.
65. I took 3 years of American Sign Language but only know enough to get by now.
66. My favorite number is 18.
67.  Spicy food is my favorite.
68. I love to cook.
69. I love to fly, and like turbulence.
70.  I am very opinionated but over time have learned to keep them to myself.
71. Pluto is my favorite Disney character.
72. I don’t like pie, but LOVE cheesecake.
73. I have a stationary fetish, I love pens, notebooks, paperclips.
74. I hate milk, it’s just nasty.
75.  I have blue eyes and brown hair.
76. I have a thing for guys with dark hair and light-colored eyes.
77. Lying is the quickest way to irritate the crap out of me.
78. When I was growing up I hoped to have twins.
79. I collect vases, the brighter the colors the more I like them.
80. I am very self conscious, I don’t like my boobs or my body in general really.
81. I love my hair and would be devastated if something happened to it.
82. I think I have pretty hands.
83. I watch Sister Wives, don’t judge me.
84. I like to take naughty pics but only share them with a few.
85. I was born a red-head it changed but I still have the sassy attitude.
86. I think bondage is sexy and enjoy being tied up.
87.  Tattoos on a woman can be so sexy.
88. I love to have my hair played with, it’s so relaxing.
89. Holding hands makes everything better.
90. I don’t like hair on the genitals of either sex, yes I shave and I like a man who does too.
91. I have a hard time eating breakfast.
92. I really really really want to attend a BDSM play party.
93. My favorite restaurant is Outback, remember I love cow.
94. I love the “high” feeling you get after exercising.
95. I really want a vertical clit hood piercing.
96. I think a cock with an apadravya is HOT!
97. I honestly belive that guys with a certain name are just no good. (no I am not going to say what name)
98.  I love back and white pictures.
99. I met my best friend on twitter.
100. I love thunderstorms and the sound of rain.

Deception Lies and Betrayal

Deception Lies & Betrayal

I am not sure if any of you have noticed or not but its been nearly a month since I have blogged. I have tried on a few occasions to write something up and keep coming back to this. So I ll sort this out here and then move on. I am not going to go into great detail about what happened but will explain the best I can.

A few weeks ago with pretty much no warning the person who I trusted with my submission and loved just stopped talking to me. He removed all signs that I had once belonged to him, blocked me from his twitter account and IM. I did send him one message but never received a response. I was never formally released and didn’t get any explanation or reasoning which I guess is what has hurt the most. I have been left to sort through it all myself and wonder what the heck happened and what I did wrong.

Not even a week earlier was I being told how much I was loved and how greatly he valued me. Its hard to believe any of that now, it just seems like hurtful lies. To be told how special you are and how the bond we had was so strong. I am not sure why he felt the need to deceive me, I had always been open with him and would have accepted most anything. Sure our relationship was complicated but this was nothing new and we both went into it knowing full well what issues we might face. I was understanding of his situation as I thought he was of mine. I wonder now if anything he told me was the truth, or was he just using/playing with me.

I am still hurt and confused, I’m still having issues with the emotional aspect of this. I love him, and now my heart has been broken, there is nothing I can do to fix it but give it time. I wish I could just forget and make the hurt go away but its not easy just to forget those feelings. Its hard for me to believe that a month ago I was writing about mushy love (as did he) and today I am writing about all this, it seems surreal. I refuse to talk crap, things happen and while I dont agree with his decisions or how he handled things I do assume he has his reasons.

I am thankful that I have had a few very wonderful understanding friends to help me get through this. They have all told me many times that I have done nothing wrong and didnt deserve to be treated this way. Without them I would be in a very dark place, a place I have been fighting to stay out of.

I have been deceived, lied to and betrayed it has caused me protect my heart a little more carefully now but I know I will survive and hopefully love again. I am ready to be back here blogging, I enjoy writing here and have missed it. Thanks for sticking with me and a special thanks to my friends for helping me through this.

Anilingus AKA Rimming

Anilingus

 

 

Anilingus, wow what a strange word, maybe you know it better as rimming or tossing the salad. I will refer to it as rimming as that is what I am most familiar with. So what is it really? Well, rimming is a form of oral sex involving contact between the anus of one person with the lips and tongue of another. It’s often used as foreplay and sometimes is used as a form of erotic humiliation.

 

Love Hate Relationship

 

Rimming is one of those things that people do but don’t really talk about that much. A lot of people find it embarrassing or humiliating to admit that they really do enjoy rimming.  There are a lot of misconceptions when it comes to rimming. Some people believe that it is exclusively an activity that gay men partake in and that’s just not the truth. In reality all sexual orientation including heterosexual people enjoy rimming. There is also the misconception that it is dirty and that you are a dirty person if you include rimming in your sexual lifestyle. When in reality rimming can be just as clean as anything else you do sexually. There are people who love rimming, they find it very erotic and because there are a ton of nerve ending surrounding your anus many people find it very sensual and a huge turn on both to give and to receive.

 

 

Risks and Safety

 

 

With any form of sexual play rimming also carries the risk of sexually transmitted diseases or STD’s. The most common associated with this type of activity is hepatitis a and internal parasites but can also include hepatitis b, chlamydia, HPV, gonorrhea and herpes. While HIV/Aids is not believed to be easily transmitted by rimming there is still a slight risk and should be considered. Rimming with casual partners increases yourchances of STD’s and should always be done with protection. Immunocompromised people are suggested to avoid this activity. Both parasites and hepititis a may be found in feces if poorly cooked meat was consumed, these are a risk for the person giving a rim job and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Be sure never to move from anal play to genital play. It can cause E-coli and/or give you a urinary tract infection (UTI) The chance of e-coli and UTI’s are more common in females than males but both need to be careful. You can prevent an hepatitis an infection by being immunized for it either before or shortly after exposure. If you are planning on making rimming a part of your sex life then considering the hepatitis an injection if highly recommended.

 

It is important to wash up both before and after rimming to help prevent unwanted transmission of bacteria and help avoid vaginal and urinary infections. Before moving to the genitals from the anus it is a good practice to rinse your mouth with one part hydrogen peroxide and two parts water. It’s easy to mix  up before you play and as long as you have an empty container handy its easy to get rid of afterwards. While not necessary some people choose to administer a cleansing enema before playing and it is advisable to use a dental dam while rimming your partner. A little lube can be applied to the dental dam to make it more pleasurable for both you and your partner. If you and your partner are healthy, your risk of contracting a disease through rimming is probably pretty low but whenever in doubt protect yourself.

 

How To Rim

 

The first thing to remember when contemplating rimming is that is it important to be clean. Not many people enjoy playing with dirty people, although I am sure there are a few that do in fact enjoy it.  Just because this is an important part though doesn’t mean it can’t be fun. A mutualshower were you bathe each other can be a lot of fun and foreplay all in itself. Once clean its important to relax and take your time. Get use to being back there, this may be a new area to you so explore it and learn what you and your partner enjoys. Use this time to massage their back and rear as well as kiss their thighs and ass cheeks. Once your comfortable and they are as well move on to using your tongue. Kiss lick and slide your tongue up and down between the ass cheeks, around the rim of the anus as well as into the anus itself. Keep your tongue loose and use wide strokes or tighten up your tongue making it long and pointy to penetrate. Use your hands to spread the cheeks apart or have your partner do it for you. Good positions for rimming include lying down, standing, face sitting or any other comfortable position you and your partner enjoy. Some positions such as face sitting are good so that your hands are free to rub other fun parts of your partners body.  Also if you are into mutualgratification, rimming can be done in the 69 position for that. Once you and your partner gets use to rimming, dive in and have fun. Just do what feels right. Remember, make sure your partner is ok with you being back there before you start and know that sexual exploration betweenconsensual partners is never wrong.

 

 

References

 

CDC

Go Ask Alice

Toss My Salad

Wikipedia

 

In His Arms or at His Feet?

Would you like to be in his arms or at his feet?

As a submissive some of you might think that I would automatically answer that question with an ” at his feet of course”. Well, that’s really not the case for me, while I do love to be at his feet as his submissive I also very much love being in his arms. I think I have talked about this before but I need a man who can be both a strong dominant as well as a doting strong man who likes to shower his partner with love and affection. If I only have one side and not the other I am not complete and end up being very unhappy.

luckily for me I am owned by a man who is as happy when he has me at his feet as he is when he holds me in his arms. So the answer to the question as selfish as it might be is that I don’t think that I should have to pick between then two. I want BOTH, I want to be at his feet at times and at others I want to be held tightly in his arms.

This is the poll of the week so please take a few seconds to vote!!

 

BFF’s

 

Are you so lucky to have the bestest friend in the whole wide world? A person who you can share everything with and know that they wont judge you and will always be there for you even if they don’t agree with your decisions? Well, I am so lucky to have just that! A lot of you will already know who she is but for the few of you that don’t know who she is her name is Sophia. I met her on twitter and if you have a twitter account I would suggest you follow her ( @sinful_sophia ) because she’s awesome.  Now I know there are some of you who will say, you can’t have a BFF that you have only met online followed by how well could you possibly know her. I am here to tell you that yes you can meet your BFF online and you can know them just as well as someone you meet in real life. In my case I know her better than any of my other friends and I believe that she knows me better than any of hers.

Sophia and I met back in October of 2010, yep only a short 6 months ago. We started chatting on twitter in the time line which eventually led to direct message and then yahoo instant messenger.  We chat online everyday now, often you will find us chatting in twitter with others and leaving messages on each others blogs. (If you have never been to her blog check it out .. Not a Perfect Life ) We now talk regularly on the phone, at least once a week more if time permits. Her and I had a pretty instant connection, it wasn’t long after we met that we were saying the same thing at the same time on twitter and IM. It was happening all the time, non stop and would make us laugh. As we got to know each other we found we had so much in common and we’re so alike.

It always seems like things were happening to us at the same time or we will find out something else that we have in common. We have had so many things happen to us at the same time, both of us had “young-ins” lusting after us on twitter and which both stopped talking to us at very similar times. Both our animals got sick within days of each other. We have both helped one another see that something wasn’t right and “held each others hands” while we worked things out. We have had heartache at nearly the same time and then we both began new relationships that have made us both extremely happy and fulfilled. Those are just a few of the things we have had happen at the same time if I named everything you just might think we were lying. It happens so often that her and I have talked about how insane it is and that if it always happen to only one of us first we would probably think that the other was playing a joke or lying. But it doesn’t only always happen to one of us first, sometimes things happen to Sophia first and then me and other times things happen to me first and then her.

We also have tons in common. We both have husbands who said they were into BDSM and then backed out leaving us to struggle through our submission alone, which of course means that we are both submissive. We both have worked in the medical field and hate feet!! We both have 1 child who was abandoned by their mother and we both have stepped up to be great moms to our kids. We have brown hair are 5 foot 6 inches tall and wear size 8 to 8 1/2 shoe depending on the type. We both hate milk, are forgetful and can’t remember shit!! I could go on and on it’s really ridiculous and you would think that by now I wouldn’t be surprised when new things happen but I am still surprised each and every time it happens. It’s almost a running joke now between us, when ever something happens the other says, of course we are BFF’s. Don’t worry we aren’t complete freaks we do have differences. Shes a veggie and I am meat lover, she doesn’t mind sharing and I am completely against it and she lives in Ca and I live in Tx. Um, yeah well that’s about it for differences :) I am just kidding but they are much harder to come by then our similarities.

I feel most lucky to have my BFF she is an amazing person and I am completely ok with the fact that we met through twitter. I don’t believe that it is everyday that you find a friendship as genuine as ours. I share everything with Sophia, she knows about my D/s life,  about my family, and my vanilla life there isn’t anything that I am not comfortable sharing with her. I know that one day we will have the chance to meet in person and I have no doubt that we will hit it off. Until then we will continue to chat through the TL, DM, IM, text and phone calls.

I love you BFF :o)