My Views on Starting New D/s Relationship
I had this on my previous blog and thought I would edit it and add it here as well. It might be helpful to someone and it gives some incite into my feelings and thoughts on how I approach a new D/s relationship. This started because of a question that was posted at a tasking site I use to belong to. The question was how do you find a good Master or what to avoid. Here is my thoughts, feelings and experiences with it.
When I first started exploring I had experienced the chat rooms and other forums. I found some nice people but it was never what I was looking for. I also ran into so many of the “players” before finding that site. People demanding my submission and expecting respect without doing one thing to earn it. I started having serious doubts about being a submissive and about my thoughts on submission. I thought that since I wouldn’t allow myself to submit to these “bullies” that I wasn’t a real submissive. This is no longer an issue but when I first started exploring the tasking site I protected myself. I didn’t let anyone get to know me, I didn’t get involved with any of the conversations and all I would do is task and put everything I had into that.
I now know that my feelings and thoughts about submission aren’t wrong and that there are so many different ways to submit, none of them wrong. It’s easy to doubt yourself when you have someone telling you that if you don’t do this then your not really submissive but in fact its really the other way around if they were truly Dominant then they would respect your boundaries. I have went through these feelings again since then but it was easier to deal with, because I have supportive friends to lean on and to reassure me that I in fact am a good submissive. I think that to be happy in any relationship you have to find someone who shares your simular thoughts and views.
Before giving your submission to someone I believe that it is important to get to know them and even more important to become their friend. In my last relationship I met a man who I had and still have a great friendship with. I was his friend long before I was his submissive and as my friend he helped me through a tough break up. When I was strong enough to move on, it only made sense to offer my submission to him. I found myself drawn to him wanting to submit to him and please him. I wanted nothing more then to show him the same love and devotion he shows me and this was key to me knowing that Before you offer yourself to someone I believe that it is important to talk about what is expected of you and what will be expected in your new relationship.
I know that this isn’t always the easiest thing to achieve and that after being in a relationship and feeling the closeness you get from it, it is hard to take the time to get to know a new person. All you really want to do is feel the closeness you once had and to show your submission to another but without knowing each other you are setting yourself up for a hard relationship and possibly failure.
To me the most important things when looking for a new Dominant is to build a friendship first, learn about each other, find out about each others wants and expectations and then if you feel the connection, offer your submission to them.
These are of course only my views and thoughts and what has worked best for me. I hope that by sharing this it helps someone else.